renovations (oh my god)

Pretty soon, on Sunday night, I will be back in Richmond, getting ready to continue on with my second semester of my first year of college. However, right this moment, I am sitting in the bedroom I have slept in since the end of the summer before the seventh grade. Pretty much everything about those two sentences blows my mind & I can't even fathom how time is moving so quickly. But things around my house are getting insane, because of the fact that there are some pretty bit renovations going on that began the Monday after I got home. 

What's happening:

• Moving our kitchen to where our back porch/mudroom used to be & making it bigger
• Making a new entrance from the back of the house
• Adding a larger back porch & stairs (which means extending the roof out a little) up to the back door
• Making the 1st floor bathroom into two bathrooms-- one connected to my parents' room, so they can have a private bathroom, & a powder room for guests
• Making the coat closet currently next to the 1st floor bathroom into what will hold our washer & dryer

Now, there used to be even more things that were going to happen, like moving the front entrance, making a bay window, creating a new hallway, ripping out another wall, creating more open space, etc., but that was crazy expensive, so my parents decided against those changes. Something that doesn't make sense to anyone, though, including myself, is that I was disappointed in those above changes getting cut out. I am not the biggest fan of change. In fact, it pretty much terrifies me. However, I really liked what was going to happen to the front of the house! I was all for moving the entrance, because it made it so that we could build a bay window (and let it be known that I LOVE bay windows). I mean, a BAY WINDOW! (I don't know when I'll get over that that isn't going to happen...) 

Anyhow, we are still in the first week of construction, which there is said to be three months of. Even so, I feel like a lot has happened! On just the second day, our back porch/mudroom was gone. Like, all that was left was a platform. Insanity! Then, on Thursday, there wasn't even a platform; just some dirt where everything used to be. Today, they dug a trench, kind of, to get ready to prepare a new foundation (I feel like I'm just making this up, but some of it makes sense in my head) for the new kitchen. 

Okay. Now. We've been focusing on what's going on on the outside of the house for a while, so let's talk about how the inside is doing. The day after I got home (last Saturday), was pretty much moving day. Me and my dad moved three bookshelves out into a mobile storage unit called a PackRat to be stored while everything was going on. And let me tell you, that was no easy task; one of them was metal & also being brought up from the basement! So that day was a lot of moving things around and me not wanting to move anything just out of pure laziness. But either way, this is how things ended up: Refrigerator in the living room, pantry cabinet in the dining room, kitchen in the laundry room which is in the basement, and computers moved to the upstairs hallway (they previously were in the mudroom). There was a lot of the removing and moving kitchen cabinets and drawers. Writing it all out like that makes it seem somewhat organized, but I swear to you that it isn't. Whenever we are looking for something, it is almost certain that we can't find it, even if we just set it down. In addition, however, there is also a lot of finding. In moving one of the kitchen drawer/shelf unit thingies, were a lot of papers that were thought to be long gone. 

But...yeah. Things are hectic here, but don't worry! We can expect that they get a lot worse when the renovations start moving inside to my parents' room & they have to move into the spare room upstairs. All of us sharing a bathroom, what joys! 

Well, I hope things are less crazy wherever you guys are. And I hope that you're happy and stuff. 

My inability to move on from previous hurt is preventing me from fully living and enjoying my life. These words are what came from the news that I learned today, that the guy I have not been able to get past for all of these many, many months has moved on. These words came after the tears on the drive home and the worry of looking ridiculous & pathetic. These words are inspired, somewhat, by the over 100 poems written by my mother in her youth in a folder currently sitting on the floor next to my bedside table. I just hope that, way in the future, my kids never have to feel this kind of heartache.

train station love story

Train stations have a romance about them. Especially the really intricately designed & detailed ones. The ones with the Roman Numerals on the clock and Corinthian columns. Anyone can create a building that looks like a cinder block, but it's the ones that make you stare that cause you to think about the romance of them. I mean, think about it: They are the beginning of a journey, and not just a physical one. Sitting in a train station alone with a journal or a sketchbook can be one of the greatest things. And then you spot someone.

He's just about the most beautiful person you've ever seen, and he's sitting across the many tables and chairs which are only occasionally occupied. You're looking at him, and in that instant you have that feeling that you need to know him. No matter what. He's reading or writing in his own journal, and for some reason he looks up and his eyes land directly on you. A small smile starts across his face; you look back down, feeling your face heat up and turn red. Glancing back up, you see that he's gone back to what he was doing. Feeling a bit disappointed, you do the same. After a few minutes, he just closes his book and starts to pack up. You look up and think that he's leaving, and suddenly your heart starts aching, thinking you've missed your chance. He's standing up, putting his backpack on his shoulders, and all of a sudden he's walking toward you.

You see his feet making their way to where you are, getting closer & closer. Then, suddenly, he's here at your table. Looking at nothing and no one besides you, he asks if he can sit with you. With your heart pounding in your ears, you say, "Yes, of course," and your smile is as wide as an ocean, and he's just so cool. Waiting for your train home, you have the best conversation of your life. Nice and introductory, but also pleasantly deep with just a hint of romance; flirtation present in both of your voices. And you don't even know his name.

Suddenly, an almost incomprehensible voice comes over the loudspeaker, and you can just make out that your train has arrived. But it's not his. So you gather your things and get in the lind to board, saying a sad goodbye. In the line you see him, still sitting in the seat where you left him. You drop your things, make your way back over to him, and when he notices, another smile leaves his sad expression in the dust. Standing right in front of him, you just look into his eyes & he's doing the same. Two, three, four seconds go by. You ask him his name, he says Daniel, and all of a sudden your lips meet his. His hands are on your waist, neck, cheek, hair, and when you part, you realize that nothing has ever been that perfect.