what would you do if you weren't afraid?

I saw someone on tumblr answer this question as an ask, and y'know...it really stuck with me because I am afraid of everything. AND IT IS SO STUPID!

As I was thinking about it, I came to the conclusion that there are really two ways that you can go about answering this question: 1) Answering it looking toward the past, where you're focused on changing how your life is now...or 2) Answering it in real time, where the things you'd choose to change are relevant to who you are (and what you want) now.

Really, though, answering it the first way doesn't make much sense, because trying to change the past is just plain idiotic, frankly. About a month ago, I wrote a letter of reminders to myself, and in it I wrote something along the lines of, "If you keep trying to go forward while looking back, you're only going to trip." Then again, answering it at all is pretty dumb because it's HARD to not be afraid of stuff. Sometimes, though, thinking about the stuff you'd stop being afraid of if you could is just the thing you need to get over. So I'll answer it the second way.

What would I do if I weren't afraid?

• I would raise my hand in class and say the things I think & answer questions.
• I would go up to the people who look cool and/or interesting to me and I would say hi/introduce myself.
• I would tell the boy I like that I like him, so then either something would happen or it wouldn't. And then I wouldn't be afraid of the latter.
• I would probably be charming and have stuff to say when people said stuff to me. (That's so important to me.)
• I would be able to actually DECIDE if I am where I want to be/if I want to move somewhere else...and then I would do it.
• I would travel to all of the places on my own and not be freaked out by getting lost or making little mistakes. I'd embrace them. 
• I would write and play the guitar in public, not worrying about people thinking I sound bad or staring at me and I would be GREAT.
• And then...so much more.

What would you do if you weren't afraid? What are you afraid of?

I should just stop apologizing.

...because it has become extremely evident that there is not any sort of schedule on which I rely to write on this blog. Because several months go by in between EVERY. SINGLE. POST. Which is dumb, but it's how it works in college, heh.

I believe the last time I wrote anything it was at the beginning of 2014, aka the beginning of the previous semester. And that, while it ended very well, began relatively poorly. I was taking the very, very last of my Gen-Ed requirements, which included taking a stupid, writing intensive English class & a class called Energy! (with the exclamation point), which was just dumb. But then again, that semester also included the best class I've taken so far at VCU, which was Crime & Science (also a Gen-Ed requirement, but much better), & also it held the class that essentially put me into my major, Intro to Criminal Justice. I am now majoring in Criminal Justice with a concentration in Forensic Crime Scene Investigation and this semester, I am diving into it, headfirst.

This semester I am taking Intro to Policing, Intro to Corrections, Sociology of Deviant Behavior, & Principles of Crime Scene Investigation. And this is the first semester that I've been in college where I have felt truly excited to be in these classes and learn from these professors. It takes an incredible amount of courage for me to come out and say this, because it makes me admit how...unhappy I'd been my previous four semesters here. (And that's not something that I'm very good at admitting. To anyone.)

So, here we go! On this crazy adventure ride that is college and actually having a major, and hopefully this semester will be my best one yet. (Fingers crossed for me, and for all you other students out there. Let's have the most wonderful times.)

In other news, however, Saturday is my 20th birthday. So party on.

well, well, well...

...would ya look at that! It's been incredibly too long since I last wrote anything on this blog.

I do apologize for the long absence, especially since there really isn't any good reason for it. So, I will do my damnedest to catch y'all up on what's been happening in my life. Ready, go.

OKAY, let's see! Well, since my last post (in May, whoops...), I finished my first year in college & moved back home for the summer. I spent the majority of my time back home working as a hostess, which is something that I detest more than most things. Throughout the summer, though, I got to re-establish friendships with people from high school, however not as often as I'd liked. Around mid-July, I got my second tattoo of an arrow, and I ended the month with a fresh pixie cut. When the beginning of August rolled around, it was time for me to move into my first apartment with a friend of mine, made from the previous school year. Overall, the experience was a lot easier than I'd expected, especially the transition, considering my parents couldn't stay for long that day. Getting back in the swing of things in terms of school & classes was the most difficult thing, especially since I was still getting my gen-eds out of the way, with my worst & most draining one being this past fall. But the months just kept going by faster and faster, and before I knew it, here I was: a second-semester sophomore in college. (And I bet you can guess that Starbucks played a large part in getting me through this past semester.)

Thankfully, here I am. No worse for the wear, & definitely starting this semester off on a better note than the previous one. Well, for the most part at least. (Seriously though, who doesn't have hardships & tough times? I definitely have my fair share...) This semester, I am taking classes I'm actually interested in; go figure, right?

While I still am making my way through a couple more gen-eds, I am also starting to take classes for the major I'm thinking about declaring this year. It's gonna be a fun, scary, interesting, and totally worth it semester, I think. I hope. So...here goes nothing.

Hope you all are doing beautifully. (I'll certainly see what I can do in terms of making time to post on here more!)